i’ve officially checked out. i’ve given this relationship too much already. i have never said the phrase “i feel” to anyone else as much as i have with you or as frequently as i have in the past few months.

and let me tell you, feeling is exhausting.

to top it all off, it appears as though seeking emotional support from my significant other is grounds for being perceived as weak. however, when i point out every single instance that i provided that support for everyone else, no questions asked (and you agreed), and never asked others for it back… the weakness is that i’m unable to ask for support from more people.

just spit it out: you don’t want me to come to you. or to be more accurate, you don’t want the responsibilities of being in a relationship but you want all the good stuff that comes along with it.

so here’s my solution: let’s make it equal. you give me half, i give you half. you will only be as important to me as i am to you. and if it means understanding, honesty, growth and acceptance, then great. if that means lying, neglect, resistance and avoidance, then so be it. i don’t know what else to give you short of giving you a cheat sheet on exactly how to make this relationship successful–a singular piece of paper that tells you exactly what you can do to make me happy (providing i will accept a similar document from you) that i, in fact, offered.

you’ve shown me exactly how much you care; please allow me to show you exactly how much i don’t.